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Identity Issue #1

“Well.

When I woke up this morning, I was in that position how baby crawls in their mom's womb, and all the sheets just loosely piled on me. There were all shades of white. I closed off the curtain the other night, so no one from the other building can see me sleeping; when I woke up, the sunlight permeated through the seam of the fabric, and it formed into this shade of white that was almost dazzling. I felt a little overwhelmed.

I sat on the bed for a couple of hours. I stared at the ceilings, then I went shower. My clothes were everywhere, my underwear right next to the sink. And I laughed a bit because I thought underwears by the sink was pretty ridiculous, especially a pair of weaved, patterned one, I wanted those silky, black ones by the sink.

The conditioner was running out, I finished the last pump, couldn't get more from the bottle no matter how hard I pressed. I thought about go to whole foods again. I knew it's not that related, but I always wanted to go to whole food, and it just occurred to me when I was pressing the pump head.

I couldn't figure out how to use the TV properly. I didn't know why there were two remote controls. People talking was like cicadas chirping to me, I could not focus on two things at once. I was too much focusing on using the TV. I wanted something goofy. I blanked out for a while, sitting on the couch and staring at the ceiling again, and then played with the remote controls once more. Eventually I got to see a show called celebrity swaps wife, it was about celebrities swap wives. It was a real show, women in there looked happy, I didn't quite get why, I also couldn't get why there is no celebrity swaps husband.

I met my friend, I talked to some random man on my phone, then I blocked him. It was a trap from the beginning, he said he used to teach me. I asked who are you. He said boxing. I said I didn't do all these overseas purchasing agency thing. He said don't worry I am not going to force you to buy any boxing lessons, I quit already. I said why you text me. He said you're still in school right. I then looked through his profile, there was a post from three days ago said, the trial would be judged soon. I then blocked him. Our conversation doesn't make sense, nothing quite makes sense.

Midnight I was in the salty wet wind by the sea, on the fourth street, waiting for my poke delivery, I didn't know how long it'd take. It was so cold in the lobby. I sat on the sofa by the door, some tired clubbing people joined me, all the girls wearing push-up bra and v-neck to show off their cleavages, all the boys wearing those printed Hawaii shirts that never buttoned all the way up. I stared at the ceiling again, their smell of alcohol climbed up along the ridge of my nose. I really wanted my poke.

And there the poke came. The guy handed over me the bag and immediately walked away. I walked pass by the clubbing people, I walked to the elevator. The elevator door opened, a clubbing girl was taking picture of another two clubbing girls; cleavage, thighs, buttock, celebrity swaps wife. I asked them if they wanted to go up or go down. They asked me where is the parking lot, is it the p on the elevator. I said no, it was the gym on the 17th.

I think I have this identity issue. Do you know what I mean?”

“ What's this song you are talking about.”

“ Anything by Jakob Ogawa.”